My pride is definitely on the floor.

Ever feel alone?... Just flat out lonely?...

I know that I have God, and I am not belittling that or saying it doesn't count or doesn't matter because it does and when I'm down like this He is the only one that can pick me back up.

I don't know how to write about what I'm feeling, what I'm going thru, without sounding like I'm trying to throw myself a pitty party because that is NOT my intention. Here goes nothing...

I'm 25, single, over weight and consumed with my job (which I love)... But I have no time for a social life and the time that I do have I don't have friends to fill that time with. (Ok.. For all of you who are my friends pause... Most of you are married and/or have children and the rest of you live out of this area so I am not saying you are not my friends, just venting.) I love the moments I get to spend with families that mean the world to me (especially ones that are like my own family and i am kind of that extra family member) and times when I get visits from my out of town friends but what about the nights I want a good girl friend to come over to watch some goofy reality tv show, or talk about the non existent men in my life, or sit out back and sip wine while debating over whether Channing Tatum or Adam Lavine is hotter. There are several people I am acquaintances with that I would absolutely love to embark on a closer friendship with but I don't know how to start that.. It's not high school anymore and I haven't had to "make friends" in a long time...in college I was in a sorority so making friends was kind of easy and laid out for me. But now it's different... I don't wanna creep people out by seeming like a stalker or bother people, ya know?... Ok.. This is starting to get pitiful... How can I change the way this sounds?...

Hmm... Well I'll just end it by saying.. I don't want pity... Just needed to vent and sometimes writing things out helps, And these long talks with God while on my new treadmill are helping... Slowly but surely...

I know God has a plan for me and I trust Him with my heart... I just want some good girl friends too... Ya know?...

Peace. Love. and Prayer.

Running marathons in my room.

So a week or so ago I posted a Facebook status asking if anyone had an old, but working, treadmill, elliptical or stationary bike that they wanted to get rid of. I wasn't sure if I would get any response at all but I thought why the heck not just post it? Well.... I did get a response! Someone I used to work with at Lancaster had a treadmill she wanted to get rid of, all I had to do was go pick it up! So yesterday my da and I did just that!

I now have a treadmill in my room! It's a tight squeeze but it's in there. I can literally roll out of bed, slip my tennis shoes on and start running! It's very convenient so my excuses won't work anymore! Tonight I jogged .75 of a mile!

I have let me weight define who I am and put me in a pretty bad depression. I have a hard time loving myself because when I look in the mirror at my body I want to cry. I have let myself go and it makes me sick! Because I let myself go, now I have to kick my own butt to try and get back to where I want to be. Once I can love myself again then I think it will be easier for me to let others love me =]


Keep those prayers coming!!

Couch to 5k: Day One

So this morning I had to get up early to take my Jeep back to the shop, then help Sara move to her new salon, get my hair done, run some errands with Sara and then... I took a nap...

But to back up for a moment, while I was at the salon I got a text from one of my youth group boys, Collin. He text me to tell me he wants to train with me for this 5k! I have been searching for someone to train with me and push me, who better than an energetic 7th grader!

Well today we went for our first run! I did not wanna get up from my nap but I did.. Took me a few extra minutes but I got up, picked Collin up and we started out 8 week training today! It really helped knowing that someone else was counting on me to honor this run, if it were just me it would have been so easy to just turn over and go back to sleep on the couch!

It was tough though... We had to run for a minute then walk for a minute and a half and that minute we ran seemed like hours! Haha! But I never gave up and Collin was so sweet to stick with me while I was running super slow and huffing and puffing! Such a sweet boy!

Thank you all for your encouragement and comments... Please keep them coming! We are going for run number 2 tomorrow!

I hope the death while running feeling goes away soon.... =P

Couch to 5k

So tomorrow I am starting my 8 week couch to 5k training for a 5k I am doing in Martin, TN for my sorority (AOTT). I have mixed emotions about it!

After high school I guess I just thought I would keep my athletic build forever.. But reality set it after I just kept gaining weight... I would do a couple crash diets here and there and lose 10 to 20 pounds and then gain it back plus some. I am now, embarrassed to say, the biggest I have ever been. People keep saying, "you're not fat, love who you are" and "you're pretty, stop saying your over weight"... I realize I am a child of God an that God doesn't make ugly things but He also expects us to take care of our bodies and I have failed to do so.

In these next 8 weeks I will be preparing my body, mind and heart for this 5k at the end of September and I would appreciate all the support you can give!

My problem right now is energy.. I would rather nap and lay around than get out and train and be active. It's a difficult struggle but the struggle is real! I believe that as I begin to get in shape, she'd unwanted/unnecessary pounds I will begin to feel better about myself and have more energy!

Prayers and support are welcome and if anyone wants to do this with me, I'd love to have a partner!

I plan to blog as often as possible thru these next 8 weeks!

Here we go.... =]